Feelin' so Earthy.......

My Garden of Eden...

God gave me a beautiful yard...some plants came with the yard...others were planted by me. I have just finished harvesting cherries, freezing as many as I could before they were over ripe.


The squash over -run the garden......there is spaghetti squash, acorn squash, yellow squash, zuchinni squash. So yummy.

















I planted a peach tree. Last year there were only five, gorgeous, juicy peaches. This year my tree is loaded with fruit...so much so that I needed to prune it. It distressed me to remove ANY of the fruit. They will be ready for harvest soon...










Herbs galore...it is so satisfying, somehow, to walk out the door when a recipe calls for thyme, basil or cilantro...and cut what I need for the menu.














Spinach , chard, bell peppers...and not pictured ...tomatoes. Could it be more convenient, healthy or economical?













Yesterday I discovered that I am growing guava! It's little white blossoms can be used in a salad...so delightfully sweet. It's fruit is full of calcium and vitamin C. I have no idea of knowing when they are ripe.














A special gift is the grape vine that has climbed over the fence from my neighbor's home and is draping itself across MY fence. So wonderful...heavily laden with beautiful grapes.














I feel more a part of the earth....that I am supplied on a daily basis with more than I need. My garden runneth over........gratitude runs over, as well.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

Dad~Grandpa~Papa

Trip to Carmel~ Written Sept. 23, 2008

Wonderful, precious time at the beach. It was not as cold as it looks....he just gets cold easily (always has). We sat at the beach...just inhaling the ocean breezes and the sounds of waves breaking, birds squawking....all of the beach stuff that is so relaxing and satisfying. This is the beach on which Jake and Jennah were married.

Jake used to live in Carmel...and so drove us to the wharf where we walked, shopped a little, and ate fish and chips looking out onto the water. I think my dad was deeply happy....content to be hanging out with the family. His backside,however, ended up being sore from the long drive. This was worth every second.

For all those summers you took Coni, mom and I to Oceanside for our vacations..."thank you Dad!"

Today he is not feeling well...he continues to have a recurrent headache . He is weak and mostly confused. The headaches are not relieved anymore with Tylenol. Hospice has encouraged me to use the methadone they have left here for me. It is hard for me to decide to do that. I know he does not need to be in unnecessary pain, but the thought of going the next step makes me so sad. I dont want to lose him.....and I dont want him to lose us.

Being a hospice nurse, I know all the signs and symptoms of impending death.....and he is making that journey now. He is gradually leaving. I am heartened in the knowledge that he knows Jesus.....and that he longs to find rest....to be finished with life here on earth. But I want him to stay. We all feel that way with the ones we love.

We will make these last days special.....and enjoy every second.

I am comforted in the fact that he is surrounded by love and family. Little Levi pats him on the arm and says "you ok papa?". He brings him blankets and food and his own toys to play with. Jake has put a grab bar in the shower....and does all of our lifting. Jennah gives endless care, love and attention to him...especially when I am gone at work. He knows he is in a family unit....and that he is loved immensely.

What is the goal in losing those we love? I think it is to have "no regrets". There are no regrets.....and whatever number of days that God allows my dad...we will savor.

And finally...not many days later: I am grateful to God for allowing me to accompany my dad to his final breath....to have taken care of him those months. I know now that He empowered me to accomplish one really good and right and pure act in my life on earth. I have experienced loving unconditionally...loving him...and it just happened. He healed a part of me...and enabled a part of me....and gave me this gift of my dad...so immense.

I love you, Dad, and miss you.

Glimpses of Heaven

I never dreamed I would be a nurse....and most of the time, I dont think that I am. I am somewhere between caregiver and social worker.....with a little chaplain sprinkled into the mix. I doubt I could manage working a regular floor in a hospital. Hospice is all I have ever known...and in my few short years of nursing, I think it is where I belong. One hospice nurse's reflection, from the book Glimpses of Heaven, is the following:

"This temporary tent, which is our body, is changing, and no one knows this better than the person who is dying. If you sit quietly and listen to them, both their questions and their insights, they will invite you to share in this next awesome step in life's journey. There is nothing left to hide,nothing to gain, nothing to prove or lose, thus making the sharing totally pure. And when you enter into the wonderment of these blessed experiences with them, you yourself will grow."

Another exerpt from the book..written again by Trudy...she shares an experience she had with Mary Ann who is dying of cancer:

"I was not asleep," Mary Ann said to me very pointedly. "I was awake and He came to me here in my room. He put His arms around me, and I felt so safe and warm."

"That was Jesus, " I said to her.

"No, it wasnt , Trudy, it was you," she said with a lovely smile.

What does it mean? I wondered. Is this how God visits with His children, through fragile and broken clay pots like us? How does it happen that God should let our prayers be answered in such intimate and undeniable ways? It's as though He is tapping us on the shoulder and saying, "Do you recognize Me?" It was the first of hundreds of times that God allowed me to see His hand so lovingly and imtimately touch His children as He drew them home to Himself."

Kay Warren writes in her book Dangerous Surrender : "The dying are moved by the love they receive. Because of this, they believe that God must be even kinder, more generous, and so their souls are lifted up by God (Sister Dolores, Missionaries of Charity).

I think the opposite is true, as well. I think those of us who are privileged to be at the side of one who is dying....are lifted up by God. The most courageous people I know are those in the beds of the dying...those who "know" life is ending....and choose to make the journey with grace and acceptance.

I wrote about a woman who was dying of breast cancer. She looked at me and said "Thy will be done."
Her story:
She was a woman in her 50's. The cancer had grown outside of her body. It covered her entire breast and spread to cover the area under her arm. Her arm was swollen, the cancer was seeping with fluid, fungating and had a very bad odor. When cancer smell like that, people are less likely to want to enter the room. I changed her dressing as it drained continually.

The woman asked if I thought she would die soon. I asked her if she wanted to die soon. She said yes. I expressed to her, with broken words, that it would happen soon and that she was more than courageous....and she began to cry. She mentioned her son...she was worried about him (it was hard to understand her words...and she knew she had difficulty carrying a thought). I asked her if she wanted to pray...she said yes....and we prayed together.

It was one of those moments that stand still in time....one in which you feel so utterly humbled to be alive and well.....and yet allowed...privileged ...to stand alongside someone so crumpled.....and so brave. I take a deep breath.......and thank God for so much.

Her words "Thy will be done"...wow.

My Grandaughter Turned 13...and I Was Her Present!

My granddaughter turned 13 and I got to be her present.....

...imagine that....
....imagine that a 13 year old would find that wonderful.

It was a very well kept secret...my traveling to Spokane to join the family as they prepared for a 12K race. I arrived on Saturday, May 1st...Kalie's Birthday. She had no idea I was coming. It was at first a surprise to Sydney as Casey brought her along to meet me at the airport. Her little face lit up with joy....I attempted to capture it in a photo.







We met the rest of the group at a Burrito restaurant. As I rounded the back of the vehicle we, Kalie and I, came face to face.......her face blank for a second...until recognition set in.....then she squealed "Gramma!" I simply said.."Happy Birthday!" A delightful moment as all of the anticipation and planning came to fruition.

The city of Spokane was filled to over-flowing with potential runners ...everywhere...anticipating the next day's race. 50,000 participants expected. We had made provision in advance for the motel room at a Marriot. The motel was located next to the river which was located next to the "River Walk"which led to the park and downtown Spokane. Breathtakingly beautiful!






I fell in love with downtown Spokane...it was vaguely reminiscent of London. Enclosed bridges over the streets, old buildings, people outside walking in the brisk, windy weather. I did not see the red, double decker buses, however.


Let the shopping Begin!



Kalie and I shopped until we dropped (well , until Gramahuny dropped). Kalie had come with her own birthday money...she found a beautiful dress, new earrings... we stopped briefly for something to eat at the food court, enjoyed a restful moment at Starbucks....




And then...the most fun of all! The Melting Pot!


Have you never been to the Melting Pot? It is a decadent treat....experience....of life. A fondue pot is filled with cookies and cream...dark chocolate...and heated until all "melty"...and luscious.







We were provided strawberries, bananas, brownie bites, cheesecake.....and other special morsels fit for dipping in chocolate.







Kalie's eyes were so full of joy...and I kept hearing "Thank you, Gramma...this is so awesome!" We were intent on enjoying every last "smear" of chocolate from the pot....even scooping it out with our forks. I was sure, at the end of it, that I would never eat chocolate again!!

Finally...we were back at our room....which Gramma was so ready to see. The bed looked terribly inviting...piled with pillows and blankets. Kalie turned on the TV and said "let's watch a movie"! Oh...but I am so tired...I know when my head and body finally snuggle into the bedding...I will be fast asleep. She watched Avatar.....I saw nothing! Sweet sleep.

Gratitude reigns in my heart and soul once more.........

Shamira....my neighbor

My next door neighbor is an elderly, Assyrian woman...from Iran. Whenever I visit , she asks me in for tea. She brews it, strains it and pours it into clear tea cups. We sit at her table and chat. She has experienced much....the loss of her 42 year old daughter who died of bone cancer....the loss of her husband in the midst of raising children and managing an almond farm.....and the various hardships that come to us while living life on this earth. She has a deep, abiding faith.......and speaks of the Lord's goodness through her tears as she shares her losses.

I relish ...I savor....our around the table encounters. I leave her presence refreshed...and feeling somehow safe....just knowing she is near and is watching out for me. As she shares her wisdom, gained only from living long, I strain to secure her words and thoughts in my heart and mind.

Shamira still drives (well into her 80's).....and shops daily for fresh food in order to prepare her tantalizing, old world meals. A grape vine cascades across her yard, from which she gathers the Thompson leaves to make a meal. She prepares a mixture of rice, beef, leeks (also growing in her yard), garlic and dill which she carefully wraps in the leaves. Another meal she shared with me today, steaming and bubbling straight from the oven...was similar. She called it "Dulma"....an Assyrian , traditional dish. Zucchini and tomatoes and peppers were stuffed with a mixture of rice, parsley, beef, leeks.......and probably other things. The skins of the stuffed vegetables melted in my mouth...tender...not at all bitter or tough. Of course, I begged her to show me how to make this marvelous meal. She agreed that we would do that one day together.

She grows beautiful, fragrant roses and knits baby blankets.........all on the agenda for future teaching sessions.

Gratitude....that is what I feel. Grateful that God would place me in the house next to hers. My friend and mentor, Shamira.

Mikalah Anne Travis...born May 1st..13 yrs ago.

I was there when she was born.....my first grandchild. An amazing, unbelievable moment....assimilating, somehow, the miracle of this person infused with a part of "all of us".....grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins...from both sides of the family.

Mikalah Anne Travis...born May 1st..13 yrs ago. Our precious first grandchild will be 13 on Saturday. How did our beautiful, lovely, joyful baby transform into such a stunning, kind, still-joyful teenager in a seemingly small amount of time?

I have loved and enjoyed and looked forward to every second of time spent with my Kalie Girl. Before her move from Watsonville to Idaho , she and I spent a couple of hours huddled together on the beach. It was chilly and windy and wet. Waves slammed against the sand. We lay wrapped in a blanket...shivering and talking. We cried...we made promises of visits and phone calls and letters. I was sure my heart would break......and that I wouldnt recover. What I thought I knew was that she would forget....that soon Gramahuny wouldnt be quite so important to her as she grew in her new life.

We still talk, we still write (email and texting) and visits are filled with fun and hugs and sometimes, tears. I love her "past God and back"...as we have always pledged to one another. And, astounding to me, she still desires "time together" with her Gramahuny.

We are surprising her Saturday...the day of her birthday. Her parents are registered to race in Spokane on Sunday. I am flying into Spokane on Saturday...she does not know this. Her parent's gift to her is a night's stay at a motel with me!!! The motel is located on the river front....and , as I understand, saturated with shops, restaurants and a mall. The afternoon and evening will be ours......shopping, eating, talking, pedicures, melting pot chocolate fondues, more talking, heart to hearts while snuggled in bed.

Who will be most excited with the visit....Kalie or myself? I think it will be the latter.......forever thankful for this time.....while she still considers this "her present".

14 Pounds and Stuck!

Could it be because Chad brought fresh donuts for the staff....that smelled luscious? ( I only took one bite).
Could it be because a family member offered the staff meat and cheese roll ups made fresh at Costco (I ate one).
Could it be because our boss made a tantalizing jello, walnut, whipped cream delight (let's just say I ate some!)

Or all of the above? UGH!