More Than We Can Bear?

Taf and I had one of those conversations. She remarked how it is that well-meaning people share ideas that get passed along from one generation to the next. We even forget their source. Taf and I laughed..most of the sage little quotes we pass along and attribute to "god" are Ben Franklin originals...such as "cleanliness is next to godliness". One popular phrase is "we are never given more than we can bear". We are told that it is in the Bible...somewhere. But is it really scripture? Do we find that "truth" in God's Word? We read in the Bible that we are to bear one another's burdens....and that there is no "temptation" that can overtake us without there being a way of escape..but I cant seem to find that other phrase there.

Are there burdens too heavy...more than we can carry? Is losing ones entire family in a fire more than one can bear? Is losing a child to disease, to kidnapping...to sexual abuse...more than one can bear? Is being forced to be a child soldier in Uganda more than one child can bear? Is cancer? Is a stroke? Is losing a spouse to divorce....watching a family unravel?

For the most part, I believe life is more than we can bear. I am not even sure we should attempt it...much less think that we are able. I am thinking that when we meet the "unbearable" .....we come face to face with the truth of ourselves...of life....and that is that it is out of our control.

A man I know is facing the death...slow, agonizing death...of his wife. His first inclination was to "manage" it......to somehow secure the outcome and everything in between. He reacted in anger, blame........more controlling...until, at last, he gave in to what he couldnt change...and began to "lean" on others.

Maybe we are "supposed" to experience "more than we can bear", rather than enduring or escaping.. Maybe, just maybe, it is then that we let ourselves be "held". When we finish managing...when we lay, face down....from the sheer exhaustion of struggling ......maybe it is then that we know we are being carried.

Taf's stroke was more than I could bear.......certainly more than she could bear....and more than her precious family could bear. I imagined I had lost my oldest friend....and with her I felt a part of me leaving...a part of who I am and a part of the history that defines my life. My grief was overwhelming.

We watched as she was "held"...as she was carried from that dark, seemingly hopeless, unbearable place.......to light, to wholeness.......to healing. Others were strewn along her path to assist with the "bearing"....to literally hold her up...physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

It was "way more" than she could bear....He "allowed" her more than she could bear. It is curious how that works....because in her weakness....in her inability to bear the burden....she became strong...stronger than I have ever known her.

Just look at her now.......

Talks in the Dark, Reading by flashlight, Snuggling........

Grandchildren...Oh God....let me absorb this precious time and please dont let it pass too quickly. My little guy spent the night with me. I have several beds in the house....but no...he asks...he insists... on sleeping "together" on the couch. He says, "Remember, Gramahuny, you hafta lay down first and then I squeeze in between the cracks." The cracks?

We nestle in, time for sleep.....and he says "lets talk about tomorrow".....so we talk. The talk doesnt have to be about tomorrow.....it is his way of beginning the conversation. I pray he never changes.....that he will always want to talk...to share his ideas and to listen to mine.

The "talk about tomorrow" ends and he states that two things help him go to sleep...movies and stories. He chooses Rudyard Kipling's "Jungle Book"...NOT the children's version....but the "no pictures" , "full of words" version. The very special experience of reading at night, by the light of a flashlight....is cuddling close and being put to sleep with the rhythm of words expressed through a gifted author. Magical and comforting...all at once.

He suddenly jumps down from the couch, kneels at its side. His head against the cushion, hands folded...he prays "God, give me good dreams tonight." He looks up at me and says "I will pray about being Superman tomorrow."

Will he remember spending the night with Gramahuny, reading by flashlight, cuddling on the couch, long talks in the dark? Probably not. But, possibly his heart is just a little bit more padded with the security of being loved by someone who thinks the sun rises and sets on him. I know I wont forget.

Early Detection

God is good. In spite of my procrastination, the pre-cancer was caught before it could develop. Early detection Ladies....and , believe me, I am the worst at getting those yearly tests....for anything. Thanks to Dr Aimee, a baseline mammogram for the newly prescribed estrogen was ordered. Left to myself, I might not have had one until I actually had cancer and maybe it would have been at a stage that is not so hopeful.

My surgery is May 7....outpatient. They are removing atypical cells that , left unremoved, would make me 10 times more likely to develop cancer. No more estrogen for me.....I will have to learn to compensate with my "foggy" brain. :)

Message here for me: Mammograms. Yearly. No excuses.

***late note: Dan, Taffy's husband. told me it was good to have found this when I did....He said "you may need 'your parts' someday soon." I laughed so hard and said "not likely!"

Good-bye Africa...Good-bye my Luya sisters

Written Dec 18, 2008

Picture: Nairobi, Kenya on the continent of Africa

Shoes and feet and color....

We have not taken one step of this journey without them at our sides. we have become sisters in every sense...totally obliterating skin color and race.

We have laughed together, cried together, crossed each new obstacle together...and we have watched God weave His eternal plan....together. Miracle after miracle...we have witnessed it together.

I have to sort of blink my eyes and even pinch myself...asking for a reality check. Has this really happened? Did we spend a week and a half, which feels more like a lifetime, with two African sisters...traveling by foot, by taxi, by bus, by plane...up and down Kenya? Did we actually make this eternal, human bond in Africa?

Thank you, my sisters, for your hospitality, for welcoming us "Karibu sana"...without reservation, into your lives...into your family. Thank you for giving away your time to guide, protect, and "be with us". Thank you for like hearts..Hearts that see disease, hunger, lack. Hearts of compassion and hearts that, through the power and love of Jesus...seek to ease the pain of others...even if for only a moment. Together we listened, spoke, fed, held and prayed with others. Love so amazing. And through it we were changed...the world was changed.

I will never forget you.

Susan..such wisdom coupled with the ability to share it gracously and kindly. A fountain of information and instruction...loyal, pure, protective.......possessin

g a true servant's heart.An example of strength and love to every woman alive.


Rosemary..spontaneous, willing to jump into any situation and "set things right", intense and bold. Kindness straight from the heart......and mostly, the first to want to pray in every situation (especially when we missed our plane to the US! ha).

We love your entire family and were blessed to have met them and to know we have a family in Africa.

Mostly, we share one faith, one God...one vision...and that is His. He bound us forever in Him...even if across continents.

I will miss you...we have not been apart in all these days...and now we return to our very different lives. I have no doubt that God will continue to use us together...even while apart..and that this is not the last of it...we will be together again.

Asanti sana!

Update 4-18-10

Yay....I have lost 13 lbs now! And 71/2 in. around my waist. I love this, because I am not dieting. I feel as if I am eating lots of food....it's just the right foods and in the right amounts.

I have loved eating my new sandwiches....Earth grains sells delicious buns that are 100 calories. They come in multi grain, whole wheat, etc. I fill the bun with thin sliced deli turkey (45 calories per 6 slices..and I only need about 3 slices), top with a slice of vegetable cheese (swiss) and I use a low cal ranch dressing or low cal miracle whip. I stuff in lettuce, sprouts, tomatoes.......so wonderful . The whole sandwich is only 200 calories.....good taste and good for me. They are easy for me to take to work....separating the lettuce, tomatoes and sprouts into separate bags until time to eat.

During my 3 days of work, I did not have time or energy for walking after work....but I am guessing (from past use of my pedometer at work ) that I walked apprx 3 miles each day. Passing meds at break neck speed for 12 hrs should count for something!!!lol.